lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
