He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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