Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dick very happy bro
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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