Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize