I wanna bring you to show and tell
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
