And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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