Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
