You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
