never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
