Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
