The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize