I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
