i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
