then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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