Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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