Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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