After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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