I'd wear matching sweaters with you
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize