I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
