im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
