drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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