I'm really into asian looking animals
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
