I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
