You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
