I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So squirting runs in the family.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
