im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
