Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
