Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
