Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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