Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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