i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
