Your dad touched me again.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize