I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
