operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
