I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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