why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
