So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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