I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
