I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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