Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
