You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she woke up with a sticky ear
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
