Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
