I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
