Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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