I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
