The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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