hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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