I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
