Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
