i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
