rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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