So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
