I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
