i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
