i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
