Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
