if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
