I love black thongs
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
