it's too hot outside to masturbate.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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