NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
