Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
