I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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