Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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