I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
