Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
