Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This gyro tastes like lonliness
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
