You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
