Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
