nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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