Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
