what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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