He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
