She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize