I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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