Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize