I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
