speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
