I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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