My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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