i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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