the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
