i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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