god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
