Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
