dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize