I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
